In high school I had a best buddy who, like me, was seeking answers to questions relating to the universe, our purpose, and the after-life. He was, however, much more adventurous that I. Ray decided that he would study and learn about Hinduism, Hari Krishna and the like. He talked to me about multi-headed, multi-armed, half-beast creatures with specialized magical powers. The statues and idols he spoke of and showed me reminded me of my Catholic church days. Forget that we couldn't hardly pronounce their names. I mean, come on...two kids from the project...really!
Rubbing a fat man belly statue for luck or money just wasn't the answer I was hoping for in terms of where I fit in the grand scheme of things. Were life that easy, surely I would hit the lottery without any effort and so would all of my neighbors if all I had to do was rub the Budha's belly. Could all of life's ills be addressed so simply? Magical talismans and good luck charms...I maybe believed it for two seconds, but logic took over after that. My life was too complicated to put my faith into creepy cement, plastic or wooden pieces of art.
All of this made my water-walking Jesus buddy seem more practical. At least this god had a friendly and familiar face. You know the one...brown, long wavy hair; light skin; light brown or in some cases blue or green eyes depending on the artist's preference. How could he not be attractive to any normal, healthy female? What puzzled me was how this passive, kind and handsome man was so attractive to other men. Even today, I wonder about this? I mean, really...Jesus isn't what many would consider a "man's man" afterall. The love professed for this man has been described by some anectodal male commentators as feeling as though it may have "gay undertones." Word of warning ladies...If you can't seem to get your man to church, consider that he may be uncomfortable expressing his "love" for another man the way many do through the Christian church. If your man is all too comfortable...you may want to consider this, too.
But I digress...So I decided to stick with Jesus for a while...seemed like the only "comfortable" thing to do.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Monday, July 2, 2007
The Jesus Loop - Must Reboot
During my time as a Christian, two major concerns always gnawed away at me as I spent time in the New Testament. First, while Jesus seemed like the nicest guy ever on earth, it bothered me that I could not get past his “human-ness.” What I mean by this is that all I read or studied pointed to the fact that I was being encouraged to “be like Jesus.” However, there was the realization that, loving kindness aside, I could never possibly raise the dead, heal with a touch or walk on water. I mean really…this was quite a stretch.
The other problem I had with Jesus was that I felt like my thinking processes were always caught in a kind of software “loop.” You know, like when your working diligently on your computer and the program gets stuck. The only solution is to “reboot.” However, I could never get my thinking or belief system to “reboot” out of the notion that if Jesus was born of flesh and blood how could he possibly be referred to as a god and if he was a god, then what use did he have for a father and mother or creator? What creator needs a creator? And where did this leave Mary? If a god becomes one with a woman (marries her, if you will) then how could he seemingly just “kick her to the curb” like a common “baby daddy?” What manner of god was this? To let a precious mother of a god just fade off into obscurity even to the point of denying he even knows her? What message is this for a young adolescent to take home?
Then there was the “equal time” being given to talk of or reading about demons and the satan. So much intellectual effort was put into describing demons and the satan that I concluded there were actually two gods in the Christian church. One (or three in one) who owns all that is good and one who owns all that is bad. It seemed to me that equal power was given to both in all the New Testament teachings. That both, Jesus and the satan, were distinctly separate entities being described: gods in their own right. This reminded me of my Catholic experience where the foundation teaching was to fear those things that “go bump in the night.”
No…the more I studied the more I questioned, the more skeptical I became. None of it made any sense to me. I just knew that I was becoming more and more fearful of the dark, demons and dying. What manner of creator was this that created such horrible fear in people to the point of fearing one’s own shadow. Where was the joy in this? What’s more, the Christian mentors around me did little to provide explanations that made any sense. It all sounded like they were talking in circles. “He’s god and flesh at once…but, Jesus is not god, but rather god incarnate…now let’s pray…Lord Jesus…” What the…?
The other problem I had with Jesus was that I felt like my thinking processes were always caught in a kind of software “loop.” You know, like when your working diligently on your computer and the program gets stuck. The only solution is to “reboot.” However, I could never get my thinking or belief system to “reboot” out of the notion that if Jesus was born of flesh and blood how could he possibly be referred to as a god and if he was a god, then what use did he have for a father and mother or creator? What creator needs a creator? And where did this leave Mary? If a god becomes one with a woman (marries her, if you will) then how could he seemingly just “kick her to the curb” like a common “baby daddy?” What manner of god was this? To let a precious mother of a god just fade off into obscurity even to the point of denying he even knows her? What message is this for a young adolescent to take home?
Then there was the “equal time” being given to talk of or reading about demons and the satan. So much intellectual effort was put into describing demons and the satan that I concluded there were actually two gods in the Christian church. One (or three in one) who owns all that is good and one who owns all that is bad. It seemed to me that equal power was given to both in all the New Testament teachings. That both, Jesus and the satan, were distinctly separate entities being described: gods in their own right. This reminded me of my Catholic experience where the foundation teaching was to fear those things that “go bump in the night.”
No…the more I studied the more I questioned, the more skeptical I became. None of it made any sense to me. I just knew that I was becoming more and more fearful of the dark, demons and dying. What manner of creator was this that created such horrible fear in people to the point of fearing one’s own shadow. Where was the joy in this? What’s more, the Christian mentors around me did little to provide explanations that made any sense. It all sounded like they were talking in circles. “He’s god and flesh at once…but, Jesus is not god, but rather god incarnate…now let’s pray…Lord Jesus…” What the…?
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