Suffering Jesus Transformed

One of the first things that strikes you as a young child in the Catholic church is the ever-present "suffering Jesus" hanging on the cross: thorny crowned, scantily clad, bloody, sad, and dying. A constant reminder that he did something extra-ordinary to provide me a ticket to heaven. A constant reminder that I should be obedient no matter what. This is just one of the ploys used to "keep the Catholic in line." Others include stories of angel and virgin "visions" which could happen to anyone, anywhere, although I never personally knew anyone who had seen either. This kind of hysteria building is, I suppose, what causes people to see the Virgin Mary and Jesus-es in their tortillas, toast, screen doors, and oil spills under their cars. I always used to refer to these as the "tortilla gods." Numerous news stories tell of people flocking from miles around to take a peek at one of these "tortilla gods." Many claimed miraculous healings as a result of these spontaneous "pieces d'art."

I believe that another form of hysteria-building art can find it's source in the Catholic church and/or Christianity: vampires. Think about it! An evil person from hell with powers to draw you into their arms or cause you to let down your defenses and allow them into your bedroom...sounds like a typical date night these days...is able to be stopped by the power of the cross. Holy water also comes in handy and it never hurts to have your New Testament in your pocket. All this and a priest and you can "exercise" the devil out of your neighbor's teenager. All of these things and more that go "bump in the night" cause many a demon and devil fearing Christian to sleep with their lights on at night. A great way to keep congregants coming back each week for a re-charge to the invisible defensive shield promised by many a priest and pastor.

Another marvel of Catholicism is the confessional: verbalizing your sins to another human being (the priest) who has the authority to absolve you of them. I always believed that being able to talk about what bothers you to a close friend had the same effect without the requisite, repetitive prayers to the Jesus god's mother. I still don't understand why she was able to clear me of my sins. I still wonder, where was the one tru Creator in this chain of command and why so many layers?

As a teenager, I turned my spiritual quest away from Catholicism and toward Christianity. This seemed to work better since now the Jesus god's mom was out of the picture as were all of the rest of the community of statuary gods. Another positive sell was the fact that I no longer had to "confess my sin" to another human being or stranger.

Noteable, too, was that the Jesus god was no longer suffering. He was now transformed into a sort of personal "buddy." Prayer took on a new format: a more informal "coffee talk" than a prayer. I could now simply ask for whatever was on my mind or in my heart without restrictive boundaries. That was quite liberating. The music, too, was far more pleasant and heartfelt than the typical church hymnals I was used to. I think that was my favorite part of being a Christian...the lovely, folksy music stylings.

Another noteable difference from Catholicism was the more intense Bible study. I was actually encouraged to read and study religious texts. Somehow, though, there was still somethng not quite right...

Catholic Learning Let-Down

The concept of "heaven and hell" always struck me as something of a mystery. Not so much in what either would seem like, but rather how is it that so many human beings on earth could find it within themselves to confidently describe "heaven" or "hell" as if they were some far off lands. The confident manner in which people wrote about or orally described with such detail the sights, smells and experiences. It was as if people had received brochures in the mail replete with photo journaling and historical essays about these foreign destinations. I'll admit that as a child, I bought into it. I could see these places vividly in my mind. Additionally, the fear of ending up in the misery of "hell" for all eternity was enough to keep me focused on my "salvation" and all that I had to do and think in order to maintain it.

The priests: stoic, aloof and unapproachable I always thought. Of course, recent stories about priests have proven that there were sufficient numbers of priests scattered throughout the world with pedophile tendencies. I thank Hashem that this was never a problem for me or anyone of my friends (that I am aware of). The nuns: solemn, angry, and impatient. It must be that they were quite an unhappy lot, I suppose, such that in today's church they've been removed altogether from public view. Were they really that bad for "PR"? Used to be that nuns were the primary teaching staff for what was referred to as "catechism classes."

The nuns mode of dress in my catechism days, was long, black robes with long sleeves and a "habit" or head dress that revealed only their face. I recall later registering for a class at a local community college where one of the instructors referred to herself as "sister." I couldn't resist: I asked why the title. She stated that she was, in fact, a nun from a local convent. Her mode of dress? A bright red, off-the-rack, short dress with plunging neckline! She educated me on the fact that her particular sect of nuns had adopted a more "relaxed" attire. That was it for me...I knew then...it was over. All that I believed up to then to be unchangeable...wasn't.

It was during my adolescent years that I really began to wonder about the content and validity of my Catholic learning. Quite honestly, I can't say with true conviction that my learning up to then was profound, meaningful or othewise helpful. For a time, maybe two or three times over the following five to six years, I turned my attention to Christianity. I went so far as to join a "Youth For Christ" program through a local Christian group in my hometown. My second concerted effort at understanding G-d and purposeful living...